As a self-avowed ugly shoe enthusiast, I feel a responsibility to denounce MSCHF’s squishy red boots in the name of the USE community everywhere. A true ugly shoe must always operate from a place of subtlety. It must deviate from the norm in such a way that it appears off-kilter, uncanny, of a perversion so slight as to almost be menacing precisely because it could be normal—but it isn’t. These boots? These boots are not that. These boots are an insult to the creepy insouciance and sublime self-possession of a true ugly shoe. They are trying to be ugly and, more gravely still, to be viral.